


Taken For Granted

by jhunieilarde



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Alternate Timelines, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-29
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:01:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 23,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24977293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jhunieilarde/pseuds/jhunieilarde
Summary: Mulder has always been wrapped up in his quest for the truth. Scully always been there for Mulder no matter what it cost her. When he started focusing on other things and lost sight of her, she begins to slowly disappear. Will Mulder be able to save her before she completely vanished?(Started after En Ami and then headed to Orison; i know Orison comes first in the actual series but i twisted it just to accommodate the story in my head)
Relationships: Fox Mulder/Dana Scully
Comments: 4
Kudos: 46





	1. Boise, Idaho

**Author's Note:**

> Mulder can sometimes be an A-hole despite his intentions or reasons being nice. I know he got worried for Scully when she took off with CSM but he kind of acted cold towards her when she returned so I started with this one.

Silence. It is all Mulder has given her after the whole fiasco of her recent action of going with Cigarette Smoking Man for a road trip that ended up being a waste because she came back empty-handed. She was promised of a cure that will enable her to help a lot of people but she was deceived. A man was killed and she was almost got killed and she got nothing. On top of it all, it caused a rift between her and her partner. He may not say it but it’s in the air between them. She tried to reason with him. She tried to tell him why she decided to agree to his proposal. She thought Mulder will understand but he did not. How can she expect to? Cigarette Smoking Man has been trying to destroy them from day one and she ran off with him after a few promising words. He had appealed to her doctor side and she bought it like a fool.

She had given Mulder the space he needed to cool down. He is extremely disappointed and she can tell. She hates the fact that she disappointed him. For years, she worked her ass off to prove her worth to Mulder despite not needing to do that. She is a smart woman. She is smart and competent and she does not need anyone’s approval but she seeks Mulder’s. At some point, she was able to get it and now, she just completely lost it. It’s like everything she worked so hard for just crumbled over one mistake.

After a week, she tried reaching out to him. Usually, she does not like doing it. She has her pride and she does not feel what she did was wrong. She had her reasons and they’re pretty justifiable but it’s Mulder so she swallowed her pride and made the first move of reaching out but it ended up in vain.

“Mulder, can we talk?” she asked while they are in the office.

“We talk, Scully”, he deadpanned.

He did not bother looking at her. His eyes are fixated over some case files he stopped sharing with her. It is his way of telling her that he does not trust her with them. He might feared that she will divulge them to the Cigarette Smoking Man given the chance. After all, it is why she was put in X File in the first place, to spy on him, to debunk his work, to destroy him.

“I don’t think we do, Mulder. This is not how we talk. I have already apologized and I will do it again if that’s what you want but just please…don’t shut me out”, she pleaded.

Wait…did she just say please? She really did swallow every bit of pride she got in her system.

“That is not what I want, Scully”, he said and looked at her for the first time in days.

“Then what do you want, Mulder? Tell me. I’ll do it”, she asked in desperation.

She does not want to lose him. She already lost far too many people in her life to lose her partner as well. She does not care if she sounds so dependent or clingy right now. All she wants is for him to forgive her so they can return to normal.

“I don’t think you can give it to me anymore. Trust is not something you can just fix once it’s broken”, he answered coldly.

It felt like a slap on the face and she has been punched a couple of times but his words hit harder than those times.

“Are you saying that you don’t trust me, Mulder? After everything?” she asked in disbelief.

Surely, one mistake won’t ruin the years they spent together. She has sacrificed a lot of things for Mulder. She did a lot of things she wouldn’t do for him. She broke rules. Damn, she almost died multiple times for him.

“…especially after everything. I don’t know how to trust you anymore”, he answered.

That stings so bad she physically flinched. Her throat suddenly went dry. She has always feared the day will come when Mulder will lost faith on her. She is the scientist, the skeptic. He did his best to make her a believer but she knows he is bound to get tired of convincing her, of swaying her to the other side. She just did not anticipate it to be this way.

“I wanted that cure, Mulder. I wanted it so badly that my entire being was telling me to leave and drive away from him, I still stayed. I believed despite the obvious fact that he is an excellent liar because why shouldn’t I? I am the living proof of the cure he promised me. This chip inside my neck is what’s keeping me alive. I am a doctor and I shouldn’t believe in this crap but I had cancer. I was terminally ill and waiting for death to claim my life and suddenly I was on remission. How can I not believe what he said? That boy I saw was supposed to be dying as well and when I saw him, he was as healthy as any normal kid should be. We had the implant in common and we’re both alive today because of it. I stayed because I want to get ahold of this cure so others can have a chance in life the same way I was given. Perhaps, it was selfish. I don’t know. All I know is that at that time, I thought the risk would be worth it if it means a lot of people can save from cancer but like you said, I was just used. I screwed up and I got nothing. I am very sorry to disappoint you. I won’t do that again”, she expressed and then left.

Few more weeks past and their office became colder than ever. Mulder sometimes would go to work on cases without her knowledge which angered her at first but as days passed, she lost the energy to care. If that what he wants, she will give that to him. That’s her role in whatever relationship they have. She always gives everything and just hopes that someday, somehow, she will receive something. Something is wrong. She can feel it deep within her guts. There were days where she would woke up lightheaded and puking in the morning. She lost her appetite and she gets tired easily by small movements. Of course, she’s not pregnant. She checked despite knowing the impossible.

There is a big factor to worry about, something she did not tell Mulder. She knows Cigarette Smoking Man did something to her while they’re on the trip. She wouldn’t just passed out like that no matter how tired she was from driving. She would wake up if someone tried to move her but she did not. She woke up in bed, in pajamas. She has been drugged and she is certain of it. For weeks, she delayed having herself checked because she’s scared of what she will find but she was only delaying the inevitable and since Mulder has been ghosting her lately, it’s the perfect time to visit her doctor.

It was a complete work up. She wants everything checked. Her doctor frowned at some of her results as her blood work. She is literally off the charts in everything. Her brain scan is also nerve-racking, and her brain activity is high that her doctor is worried that she might have seizure any given moment. She requested a copy of the findings and started working on the lab for hours diagnosing herself. She ended up sequencing and re-sequencing her entire genome only to discover that most of her junk DNA had been activated by something she has no idea of. She does not know what it means or what it will do to her but she is feeling the symptoms. Her migraine is becoming more frequent and the medications barely work anymore.

Mulder remained giving her the cold treatment but it stopped bothering her after her discovery. She should tell him about it but that would only add to his fury and it will backfire on her. He will nag her about her decision to come with the Cigarette Smoking Man and what’s happening to her now is all her fault. It is her fault. She would like to talk to the old man who might have injected her with something to find out what he did to her but there is no way to contact him and she’s not sure if it is going to be a good idea. All she knows is that she needs some time. Her workload at the X Files has been reduced to paperwork since Mulder barely bothers to consult her on the cases. She needs to study herself more and try to find herself along the way. She cannot just lose herself because Mulder stopped talking to her like he used to.

“Sir, I would like to request some time off”, she said to Skinner when she went to his office that morning.

The request caught him off-guard. Scully rarely takes vacation. He sometimes needs to scold her and Mulder to use their leave credits because they wouldn’t take a break from working.

“I am waiting for the reason why you want some time off”, he said.

“It’s kind of personal, sir. Besides, I am up to date with all the paperwork so I think I earn it”, she explained vaguely.

He sighed.

“I am not blind, Agent Scully. I know you and your partner are not on good terms right now. I sign the 302’s and your name is not on it. Is it still about that trip?” he asked. She only nodded. “Alright, perhaps some time apart will do you both good. Two weeks, Agent Scully”, he added.

“Thank you, sir”, she replied and left.

She would like to tell him that they already spent a lot of time apart, too much that it felt arctic in their office even though they’re both present in the room. She did not bother leaving a note to Mulder so he will be aware when he gets back from a case he’s working on. He proves that he does not need her to solve them anyway. She packed her suitcase and flew out of D.C. as fast as she can.

The cigarette helps her with the migraines and the alcohol helps her sleep at night. She found herself in Boise, Idaho where a friend of her is currently teaching. She needed a second opinion about her tests results.

“Jesus Dana, are you sure these results are yours?” Carly, her friend, asked.

“Yes. I already ran it five times and the results are always the same”, she answered.

“What kind of case are you working on in D.C.? I thought you are chasing bad guys and stuff not getting genetically modified”, she exclaimed.

Scully winced at that. She has been experimented on before and she agrees that it’s not what she signed up for when she entered the bureau but it’s what comes with working on X Files.

“I wish I can tell you. I just need a second opinion on these and some new environment for two weeks”, she explained.

Carly smiled at her friend.

“Of course…I will examined these and your blood work. I might call you in to get new scans. Meanwhile, you take your time here. Visit some spots. You can stay with me if you like”, Carly offered.

“No, it’s fine. I already got myself a hotel but we can have dinner sometimes”, Scully politely declined.

She tried isolating herself for a few nights in her hotel. She pampered herself at the spa. She took her time in bath. She did all the things she couldn’t do in D.C…relaxation. It’s been a long time since the last time she was able to breathe without worrying someone will shoot her in the head. Two weeks off is all she needs to reclaim her brain and her confidence. She has shrunk into a tiny person lately because of her regret of disappointing Mulder. It does not help that he is not afraid to show that to her either. She used to be proud and confident. Now, she became insecure and unsure. That is not Dana Scully.

After the fourth day, she decided to go out. There is no messages left in her phone so she just tossed it on the bed and left. Carly said there are few great bars near her hotel she can check out and she did check them out. A new bar for each night. This is new coping mechanism when she feels like she is losing her way. She rebels. Each night, she stumbles upon strangers that she brings back to her hotel room. No names. No strings attached. She finds out that that kind of setup really works well for her. She’s a commitment type of girl. Her choice of men back in the day was questionable but she’s always in a committed relationship before being partnered up with Mulder. Now, she’s discovering a whole new side of her and she likes it. Somehow after that road trip with Cigarette Smoking Man, her inhibition has been stripped. Perhaps, it’s one of the side effects of whatever he did to her but it is a good side effect. She is, for the first time, enjoying life.

“You here alone?” a handsome guy asked her on her second week in Boise.

“Depends on whose asking”, she played coy.

“I am the one asking”, he said.

“Well then…I guess I am alone”, she replied.

The next thing she knows, she is already screwing him at the back alley of the bar. This is so not her. She doesn’t do this at all and that is why it’s enticing her. All her life, she obeyed the law, followed the rules. Her hunger to break them builds up for years and it reached it’s peak at this very moment. She is breaking them all now.

Suddenly, she felt another pair of eyes is watching her. It made her uncomfortable so she forced herself to open her eyes and there he is, staring, watching, glaring.

“Stop”, she blurted out and the guy stopped thrusting into her. “I’m sorry but I got to go”, she said to him.

The guy frowned in confusion. She initiated it and now she’s backing out. Thankfully, he’s not that drunk enough to insist himself on her but he left cursing in the wind. Scully fixed her dress and hair before walking up to him.

“What are you doing here, Mulder?” she asked in annoyance.

“Boise, Idaho?” she frowned, “You went to Boise, Idaho so you can screw random guys every single night?” he asked.

His tone washed all the alcohol she intake that night. She travelled far so she can get away from the FBI Agent Dana Scully for a moment and just be Dana but no, Mulder has to follow her to Boise and rub to her face how much of a failure she truly is.

“I am on leave. What I do with my time is my business. I don’t have to explain myself to you”, she snapped and walked past him.

She was about to get into a parked cab when Mulder grabbed her arm and yanked her away from the vehicle and shoved her inside his car. She was in a state of shock to get out right away that he was able to get in and locked the doors and drove without her protesting.

“Where are you taking me?” she asked when she was able to gather herself.

“…to your hotel. We need to get your things before we fly back to D.C.”, he answered in a matter-of-fact tone.

Now, he’s making decisions for her after he ignored her for…what? A month? There is no use in getting out of the car just yet. She waited until they reached the hotel before she stormed off to her room and locked herself in the bathroom. If she’s going to have an argument with him, she needs a clear head so she forced herself to shower before facing Mulder. When she came out of the bathroom, her suitcase is all packed up.

“I am not going back with you to Washington, Mulder. I got three days left on my leave and I am using it”, she said defiantly.

“…and do what exactly? Fuck more men while you’re still here?” he asked.

“Maybe yes, Mulder. Maybe I do that. Maybe I don’t. What I do with my life is none of your business because this is my life, not yours!” her voice is loud enough to be heard outside the room. “You don’t get to come here after acting like I don’t exist for a month and then dictate me on how I should behave or live my life. You got no right. From the beginning, I have always done things your way. Your way, Mulder! I stopped living my life and I had lived yours. You packed up and left so many times without telling me and just hoped that I would figure it out and come running after you to save your ass but when I was the one who did that, you spat hurtful things on my face and dismissed me as your partner and worked alone. How is that fair, Mulder? Tell me, how is that fair? Now, I took some time away from you because that’s what you wanted and you come in here acting like you own me. What’s that all about? What the fuck do you want from me, Mulder?” she exclaimed.

She is a ticking time bomb. She is ready to explode. There is so much in her plate not to mention what kind of results awaits her on Carly’s examination and here is Mulder looking at her with scrutiny, judging her like he hasn’t known her for years.

“What I do is different, Scully. I am an addict. I chase aliens like crazy and I took off in a flash for selfish reasons. You don’t do that. You’re the rational one. You’re the one who grounds me and tells me if I am about to do something stupid. You’re not supposed to be the one running off with Cancer Man just like that. That was supposed to be me. Do you have any idea how paranoid I became when I realized who you’re with? I called the Gunmen. I even brought them inside Skinner’s office just to track you down. I was ready to break into the Department of Defense building because I thought they abducted you again and experimenting on you. When you told me you had an option to leave and you did not take it, I got mad, because why wouldn’t you take it in order to save yourself? I got mad because you stopped being the rational one and became like me when you shouldn’t have. I did not doubt you. I did not stop trusting you. I pushed you away hoping you will be able to return to yourself, the skeptic, the scientist. I was influencing you and it’s leading you to take risks you normally wouldn’t take but instead, I pushed too hard…”

She kept her mouth shut. This is the most they talked to each other since that eventful road trip and she doesn’t want him to stop, afraid that he will not talk to her again for another month after this.

“You took off again. Skinner told me you took two weeks leave without objection. I tracked your credit card transaction and found out you booked a hotel here in Boise, Idaho. I just knew that I had to come here. I wrapped up the case I was working on and flew here”, he added.

“Why are you here, Mulder?” she asked in a more resign manner.

“I was so wrapped up in myself that I forgot what it must be like for you. You hoped for something so great only to be disappointed in the end. I didn’t think of that before. You’re already feeling bad and I added to it by being a jerk to you. I shut you out and you ran off here. This is not the way to deal with things, Scully. This is Philadelphia all over again. Self-destruction will not solve things. I’m sorry that I handled things badly for us. I just don’t want to turn you like me who always endangered himself and the lives of others for his quest. Come back with me, Scully”, he answered.

She’s been meaning to hear that from him for weeks and now that she heard it, she does not know how to react. She should stand her ground and live her life the way she wants to but she always has a soft spot for Mulder. Perhaps, she’s an addict too. She cannot get enough of him even though sometimes it’s not good for her. Her loyalty to Mulder is just too great for her sake. He pushed her away, she got hurt. He asked her to come back, she came running. If he is only aware of his influence on her…no other human being in the world has that power over her.

“Alright…tomorrow. I have to stop by to my friend at the university first”, she agreed.

Relieved that she will no longer stay there, he smiled. What he saw earlier at the back alley scares him deep.

“Tomorrow”, he confirmed.


	2. Don't Look Any Further

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mixed up Diana Fowley phase with Orison just to complicate things. I know, i love angst so much and this is full of it. WARNING for some violence.

The findings on her tests results remained the same. She kept the details to herself because there is no answer to any of it. If she tells Mulder, he will try to find it for her and she cannot burden him with that. It’s her problem. She created that by making the wrong choice. It is her cross to bear. After her stunt in Boise, she cannot cause another dilemma anymore. Skinner gave her some lecture about her behavior during her leave. She does not know how he found out since Mulder swore, he did not tell him about it. He must have her followed during her leave. She appreciates the concern but at the same time, she is annoyed at the invasion of privacy.

Mulder worked his best to make up to her. They started working on new cases together. He asked for her opinions and listened to them with both ears. It’s like they are back on the right track. The road trip was never brought up again. She hid the migraine from him and the nausea from time to time.

It does not work. Mulder notices that something is wrong with her. He sometimes caught her wincing or her rubbing her forehead to ease the pain. He did not ask because he does not want to push her. The last time she had enough of him, she took off and went to Boise, Idaho and retaliated. He has never seen her like that before. Of course, he knew what she did in Philadelphia with Ed Jerse. He even saw the tattoo that almost made her crazy but he has never seen her in action like that. She did not even know the guy. According to Skinner’s guy who kept an eye on Scully while she was there, she had been taking men to her hotel room, men she did not know. That is why Skinner was quick to approve his leave when he said he would follow her to Boise. They’re both worried about her actions.

Before they went back to D.C., Scully stopped by at the university to her friend and came back with a big envelope she refused to talk about. She said it’s personal and not work-related. He did not ask for more. He figured she will tell him when she’s ready although he feared it’s something to do with her health. He kept close eye on her, searching for any sign of her cancer coming back but he had not found anything. It is good but at the same time, frightening because it could be anything. 

“Excuse me”, she said while they are hanging out.

They’re in her apartment. It’s movie night and she ordered pizza for dinner. He watched her as she stumbled on her purse and went to the kitchen. 

“Are you okay, Scully?” he asked.

“I’m fine, Mulder”, she answered.

He learned a long time ago that those words mean the opposite. It never worked on him and she knows it and yet she keeps telling him that.

“Come on…spill it. I am not blind, Scully. You’re head always hurts. You keep popping aspirin to help ease the pain. What’s going on because I am thinking the worst here”, he insisted.

She knows he is jumping already to the cancer part but it’s not cancer. She had it checked. She was afraid of the same thing before. The scans came back negative. It’s her DNA slowly shifting, changing.

“I haven’t been completely honest with you, Mulder”, she started as she makes her way back to the sofa. He listened carefully and let her talk. “When I went with Cigarette Man, I was on the wheel for hours. I wouldn’t let him drive because I didn’t know where we’re going. After I removed the tape from the wire I was wearing and mailed it to you, he was already on the driver’s seat so I let him take the wheel. The next thing I knew, I was already on a bed in my pajamas, in a house I did not recall arriving at. It was the day after already”, she said.

Mulder felt a lump in his throat. He stopped his brain from going hundred miles an hour.

“He drugged you”, he concluded.

“He denied it. He said I was exhausted that I was so out of it because I had been driving for hours. He said he wanted to make me comfortable hence the pajamas. I didn’t buy it and I was about to leave but then I remembered why I went with him in the first place. We were about to meet his contact. I thought we’re close. If I leave, all the effort would be for nothing. Few weeks after that, I started feeling off so I booked an appointment with my doctor for a complete check up. He cannot believe the results because everything is off the charts. My brain activity is high. He wanted to have me admitted because he thinks I’m bound to have seizures but I refused. I tested my own DNA. I sequenced my entire genome and discovered that a lot of my junk DNA were activated”, she continued.

“Activated? What do you mean activated?” he asked.

“There were traces of it in my blood work. I got too much iron but taking a closer look at it, you’ll see junk DNA in them. When I sequenced my genome and compared it to some of our cases, the hybrids, our DNAs got few things in common. I wasn’t sure about the brain activity so I brought my scans to Carly in Boise because she’s excellent in neuroscience. She offered to examine my results and she told me that the junk DNA in the subventricular zone of my brain has been activated. It is dormant in most people but for some reason mine was active which explains why my brain activity spiked and the occasional migraines. I am not sure yet what it does or how it will affect me. That’s why I did not tell you because I don’t have all the answers just yet”, she answered.

He felt his blood boiling. He knows who holds all the answers to Scully’s questions. It’s the man who experimented on her, took advantage of her, deceived her. When he was told about what happened during the trip, he felt it’s too good to be true that Scully walked unscathed from the trip when Cobra was shot dead. There has to be a reason why she was left alive and now he knows why. He did something to her so she was spared.

As if all the things that had happened to her weren’t enough. Cigarette Man just had to put her through another one. Mulder feared for the worst. What if the new alteration in her body caused another cancer? Was it something to get to him? They know by now that the way to hurt him hard is to get to Scully but was the cancer wasn’t enough? They already abducted her. They harvested all of her ova. They killed her daughter. They gave her cancer and now they activated her junk DNA that’s causing her migraine. When will they stop? Why don’t they just come after him instead? He would welcome everything they got if that means they will leave Scully alone.

“So, that’s why you picked Boise, Idaho out of all places to spend your two weeks off? To get your friend’s second opinion?” he asked and she nodded in confirmation. “Well, I wouldn’t say I am not happy that you did not tell me right away but I understand why you held off. You wanted to know the truth first before you lay it on me. Is it all migraine? You don’t feel anything else?” he followed up.

“None. It’s just the migraine”, she answered.

He couldn’t help it but pulled her into his arms. How can a tiny person like her endured so much in one lifetime? He will never understand. What he can understand is why and he must find out that answer for her before she starts showing off other symptoms. He does not want to say it to her but he believes there’s more to migraine. Cigarette Smoking Man wouldn’t bother at all dragging Scully if it’s just about that. It has to be something elaborate that he needs to stage an entire con for her.

“I’ll find out what he did to you. I promise”, he said while still holding her with his arms.

“Don’t do anything impulsive, Mulder. I don’t want you to put yourself in danger like that”, she warned.

He smiled. It is the setup he recognized, him thinking about doing something stupid and her being the voice of reason. 

“I won’t. Don’t worry, Scully”, he reassured her.

Mulder burst into Skinner’s office the next day. Though annoyed by his agents habit of disregard for his secretary and his privacy, he sensed the urgency in Mulder’s actions. It is always an urgency if Mulder did not bother waiting outside for him to be ready. For a moment, he feared that Scully had ran off again to another state.

“What do I owe this unpleasant visit, Agent Mulder?” he asked sarcastically.

“I need you to set up a meeting for me”, Mulder answered casually.

Skinner would have asked meeting with whom but one look at Mulder and he already guessed who it is he wants to talk to which prompted him to shake his head.

“No”, he declined.

“He did something to Scully…again”, Mulder stated.

“What are you talking about?” Skinner asked.

“When he dragged her across the country for a freaking drive, Scully said after she removed the first tape from the wire she was wearing and mailed it to me, Cigarette Man took the wheel to drive. The next time she opened her eyes again, she’s already in a house she did not remember getting into the night before. She’s already in bed, in her pajamas. He drugged her and now she’s been having migraines ever since”, he answered.

Of course, anyone can dismiss his accusations against the Cigarette Smoking Man. There is no proof. Scully’s allegation that she was drugged had no proof and she won’t be able to get one because whatever he might have given her, it’s already out of her system. Skinner is not anyone. He knows that it will take much for Scully to be knocked out like that. The woman is tough. Besides, it’s Cigarette Smoking Man. He knows how he operates. He has been suspicious with why he chose to bring Scully instead of him or Mulder and now answers are coming to light.

“Did she undergo medical exams?” Skinner asked.

If something was done to her, it must show to some tests if they know what they’re looking for.

“She did. That’s why she went to Boise as well, to have a second opinion from her friend. She discovered some abnormalities in her DNA and bloodwork but what bothers her and me is that her junk DNA in her brain has been activated. We still don’t know what that means or what it will do to her but I strongly believe that’s what causing her migraine”, Mulder answered.

Skinner debated in his brain for a moment before sighing deeply.

“I cannot promise you that he will grant you audience. Things changed. He’s hard to get a hold of these days but I will try”, he said.

“That’s all I’m asking, sir”, Mulder replied.

The audience has never been granted. It does not mean Skinner did not ask. He did. Cigarette Smoking Man does not want to have a dialogue with Mulder knowing what he will accuse him off or worse, he might put a bullet in his head for what he did to Scully. Well, Mulder would want to get answers from him before he can decide whether to just kill him or not.

Suddenly, another case landed on their lap. Gibson Praise. Is it a coincidence that the case brought Diana Fowley back in his life? He’s not sure. In his mind, it is good to have another person to help them solve the case who knows X Files as much as he does.

Unknown to Mulder, the return of Diana Fowley to his life has gradually affecting him and Scully’s relationship. It is his reflex to always agree with Diana or it could just be that they think alike and Scully is the skeptic one, the one who challenges his ideas so generally, he tends to agree to Diana more than Scully and it’s frustrating Scully. She tried to look past it and focus on Gibson. Mulder and Diana can focus on each other and she can focus on the kid. Gibson is a mind reader. When she did an exam to him, as Mulder instructed her to, she discovered that she and the kid are the alike. They both have active junk DNA in their brains. They share the same abnormalities in their DNA and bloodwork. Their genome structures are similar. 

“We are the same”, Gibson said to her.

“I am not sure what that means”, she confessed.

“I think you already know. You just don’t want to see it like you don’t want to see your partner with the other lady because it hurts”, the boy said.

She sometimes does not like his ability to read her mind but she couldn’t deny that the he’s right. She knows what the test results mean. It means that something was really done to her during that trip and whatever it was, it’s the same thing done to Gibson. Is she going to be like him? A mind reader? Gibson was also right about her not wanting to see Mulder and Diana together. It hurts her to see the bond between them. It’s something they don’t have. It’s a history, romantic history, mutual understanding of just about everything. Her relationship with Mulder is based on argument, contradiction, science versus science fiction.

“Let’s go back to your room”, she said to him.

She dropped him off to his room at the building so Diana can watch him for the night. They have been shifting schedules on watching over Gibson. She was about to go to Mulder to tell him about her findings when she saw him holding hands with Diana, his lips on hers and something tightened in her stomach. Her first instinct is to go and never look back but Gibson is back in his room and she needs to inform Diana that it’s her turn to watch him. It’s her job. She opened the door and cleared her throat. The two looked at her with wide eyes but she ignored that and turned on her Agent Scully persona.

“I was just done examining Gibson. He’s back in his room. I am going home”, she said directly to Diana.

She couldn’t look at Mulder at the moment.

“It’s alright. It’s my turn to watch him anyway. You take a rest”, Diana said.

“Thank you. See you tomorrow”, Scully replied still avoiding glancing towards Mulder.

She left without acknowledging his partner. He does not need her. She has seen that so many times. He can exist without her so there is no need to worship the road he set foot on. She’s just making a fool of herself. While in the car, her head starting hurting. She struggled to put the car on the side of the road to stop. She managed to get her bottle of aspirin in her purse and dry swallow it. She cannot cause a road accident because of her stupid migraine. Suddenly, the song on her radio changed to Don’t Look Any Further. That got her attention. It is a song she has not heard in a very long time. For a moment, she forgot about her splitting headache and listened to the song until it’s done. After that, her migraine is gone.

Mulder might have attempted to call her a few times that night but she’s not in the mood nor does have the energy to do so. Her whole body felt limp and bound to her bed. Weird things started happening in her house. The clock would sometimes indicates the time as 6:66. The radio won’t stop playing Don’t Look Any Further and she couldn’t shake the bad feeling in her guts.

It’s past midnight when she just needed to get the phone and call Mulder. She cannot take it anymore and as much as she dreads to let him know how much she needs him, she got no one to turn to. She cannot call her mother because that would prove that she cannot handle the life she has chosen. She cannot call her brother. She got no sister to call or friends for that matter. Mulder is all she got. She dialed and waited for him to answer but nothing happened. She tried his cell but still no answer. An image of him and Diana appeared in her brain and she’s certain that’s the reason why he’s not answering her calls. He is insomniac. Being awake at midnight is not supernatural for him. Something or someone is occupying his time that’s why he’s not tending to her telephone or cell.

The radio suddenly turned on by itself and started playing Don’t Look Any Further once more. Her mind quickly raced to where she put her gun. It’s in her bedroom, she recalled. She can still make it there if she run fast enough. She can feel that she’s not alone in her apartment and for some reason, she was not aware how and when the intruder got inside but that does not matter. She’s not alone and she’s in danger. She put down the phone and sprinted to her bedroom only to be knocked out by a dark figure when she reached her bedroom door.

Scully landed back first on the hard floor and she felt her entire body protest at the impact. It took her a few seconds to adjust her vision to see her attacker. Her heart seemed to stop upon seeing his face. It cannot be, she thought to herself. Donnie Pfaster has been locked up to a life sentence with no chance of parole. He cannot be in her apartment but there he is, hovering over her with that satisfactory grin on his face. 

“Hello, girly girl”, he greeted.

She found hidden strength in her to kick him back and put up a fight. She did put a hell of a fight. He had slammed her repeatedly on every surface, on every wall, on every mirror but she always came back harder. She was about to reach her gun finally when he got ahold of a vase that he used to smash her head. It knocked her out completely.

“I’m just going to run you a bath”, someone whispered into her ears as she comes to.

Her hands and feet are already tied, a gag placed in her mouth. How long has she been bounded? She cannot remember. Her body ached everywhere but more importantly, there is pain between her thighs. What has he done to her? She feared for the most horrible thing and when it comes to Donnie Pfaster anything is possible. She took a look around and there’s not much to look around at. He had shoved her inside her own closet. She can hear that damn song playing again and she is betting that he’s in her bathroom preparing her last bath before he mutilated her for his collection.

Why in the world did she ask the judge to give him life? Five years ago, the judge repeatedly asked her if she was sure about her request. They can easily put him on death row but she asked them for life. Donnie Pfaster is alive because of her and now he’s back to kill her. She had made bad choices in her life and so far that one was the worst she ever made and she’s paying for it now.

Scully decided that she will not die without fighting to the end. She’s not just going to wait for him to bathe her and kill her and let him cut off her fingers and hair for his amusement. She will fight if that’s the last thing she does. She forced herself to maneuver her body in order to reach the knob of her closet. The music is loud enough that he will not hear her struggle to break free. She crawled on the floor, hid under her bed when he’s walking around, and then found a piece of broken glass on the floor that she used to cut herself loose. Never mind the cut on her palm, her adrenaline is extremely high. Once her eyes set on her gun on the floor, the decision has been made.

She picked up her gun and marched towards her living room where Donnie Pfaster is. He just turned off the music before getting her. The bath is ready but she’s not ready to die just yet. Everything went slow in her eyes. She saw nothing but evil when her eyes met his. She did not take them off until four loud gunshots snapped her out of her trance. Donnie Pfaster dropped dead on the floor and that’s the only time she realized she had already pulled the trigger of her gun four times.


	3. Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two storylines mixing up now. It may came as complicated but what can i say? i like complicated stories. i hope you all will like it as well.

She must have sat on the floor for hours because the sun is already rising. Her phone is on her hand. She had tried calling Mulder again but the response remained the same, nothing. Her entire apartment is a mess. It is by all means a crime scene. She just committed a murder. Despite having been attacked in her own house, Donnie Pfaster was unarmed by the time she shot him. She could’ve arrested him, turned him over and put him back to prison but she did not do that. She pulled the trigger four times and now there is a dead body on her living room floor. He cannot stay there forever.

“Skinner”, her boss answered on the other line.

She got no one else to call.

“Sir, it’s Agent Scully”, she said.

“Agent Scully…you do realize it’s not yet start of office hours”, he muttered with a yawn.

“I’m sorry to bother you this early, sir, but there’s no one else to call. I need your help”, she said, her tone flat, emotionless.

“Why? What happened?” he asked with worry.

“Donnie Pfaster attacked me in my apartment. I killed him and his body is lying in my living room. I would have called the police but I seemed to be glued to my floor and I don’t have the energy to deal with them at the moment. Would you help me, sir?” she asked.

“Stay right where you are. I’m on my way”, he said.

Scully lost track of time between her call to Skinner and the time he arrived at her apartment. Of course, the door was opened. Donnie Pfaster did not even bother locking it after he broke in. Skinner looked shocked at the state of her home. Everything is broken. Some of the lights are still opened and there is a dead man on the floor. He ignored Pfaster and went straight to his agent who is sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall. She’s definitely injured. When he got closer, he saw the full extent of her injuries. He’s not sure if her head is red due to the color or due to the blood coming from the cut on her head. There is blood coming from her nostrils, cut on her eyebrow, lips, and different parts of her body. There is deep laceration on her palm. She is covered with bruises. Her stockings still wrapped around her neck which was used to gag her.

He did not fail to see that she’s still clutching her gun. It’s what saved her from him and she cannot let it go because that would mean she will be defenseless. His heart broke at the emptiness he saw in her eyes when she finally looked at him. He remembered her to be professional, cold, but caring. Despite the huge wall she built around her, she cares for the law, her job, for him, for Mulder.

“Agent Scully, I already made the call. I will deal with the police when they get here. I also called the medic to tend to you. Can you stand?” he asked gently.

“I hadn’t tried. Thank you for getting here as soon as you could”, she answered coldly.

He looked around for a bit before figuring out what’s missing, who’s missing.

“Where is Agent Mulder? Did you call him?” he asked again.

“I did twice. First, before I was attacked. Second, after I was attacked. No answer. I think he’s busy at the moment, sir”, she answered like it’s nothing.

He made a mental note to give Mulder a piece of his mind after Scully is brought to the hospital. When the medic arrived, they helped her get back on her feet. That’s when the pain shot through her. She groaned and shut her eyes. When she opened them, everything spun around her.

“Easy, I think you have broken ribs”, the paramedic said.

Voices faded from her ears. She felt numb all of a sudden and before she even knew it, someone already caught her and put her on the gurney. She is on the brink of unconsciousness but she managed to get the paramedic’s attention. 

“Rape kit…don’t tell anyone”, she managed to say before she blacked out.

Back at Gibson Praise’s safehouse. Mulder put on his coat and fixed his hair. He was supposed to run after Scully but for some reason, Diana was able to convince him to stay. He gave her company as she watched over Gibson. They talked and things went on from there. It was not planned especially not on the job. He felt guilty in more ways than one. He decided to check on Gibson first before he wakes her up and leave.

Gibson is already awake when he gets to his room like he’s already expecting him.

“Good morning”, Mulder greeted and the kid does not look so happy to see him. “I know this place is not ideal but at least you’re safe”, he added.

“You studied how to read people’s actions and determine what they feel and yet you failed to see how much she’s hurting”, the boy said. 

Mulder frowned.

“Who?” he asked.

“Agent Scully”, he answered and Mulder felt a lump on his throat. “She’s standing right in front of you and you know something is wrong but you chose to ignore that and spent time with the other woman instead. You let her go”, he added.

Mulder knew something was up with Scully last night when she did not acknowledge him. She talked to Diana about Gibson and then left. He wanted to follow her, asked her what’s up, but he did not. Gibson was right. He ignored her.

“I will make it up to her”, Mulder muttered.

“I know you’re planning on that but you’re too late”, Gibson said.

That scared him.

“What are you talking about?” he asked.

“She’s far but I heard everything. I even felt it. You should answer your phone. You already failed to answer her calls last night and this morning”, Gibson answered.

Mulder is about to ask him what he meant by that when his phone suddenly rings. He walked away and answered.

“Mulder”, he said.

“Finally”, Skinner exclaimed in frustration. “Where have you been? Your partner almost died last night and you’re nowhere to be found and no way to be reached”, he informed him.

Mulder’s heart beats fast.

“What happened?” he asked.

“Donnie Pfaster happened. Just get your ass here at the hospital so I can kick it”, his boss answered and then hung up.

Gibson just looked at him with disappointment. Mulder sprinted to Diana and told her he’s leaving. The whole drive to the hospital was agonizing. Pfaster? He’s locked up. How in the world he got out and why they were not informed about it? Of course, he would go after Scully. She was the one that got away. She’s the reason he was imprisoned for five years. His hunger for her was greater than anything else. He should’ve been there with her. If only he had followed her, he might have prevented it from happening. Hospital. She’s in the hospital. It means she’s hurt. He had hurt her and he was not there to protect her. He hit his steering wheel hard in frustration.

By the time he got to the hospital, Skinner is already waiting for him at the hospital. The look on his face screams murder.

“How is she?” Mulder asked.

“Bad. The doctors are still checking up on her”, he answered before getting to business. “Mulder, what the hell is going on? Where were you? Scully said she called you twice. She called you right before she was attacked. She felt uneasy in her apartment and called you but you did not answer. Then, she called you again this morning after she killed Pfaster and you still cannot be reached. She got no choice but to call me for help. You know how I found her? She’s sitting on the floor while holding her gun a few feet away from Pfaster’s dead body. Half of her face was covered with her own blood. She got her own blood all over her, Agent Mulder. I could barely talk to her and when she responded, it’s all flat like she was not there at all”, Skinner exclaimed.

Mulder feels like shrinking. How can he be so selfish and stupid? Diana came back to his life and he overlooked Scully in an instant.

“I’m sorry, sir. There is no excuse for my behavior”, he apologized. It’s all he can do.

Skinner instantly knew where he has been. Diana Fowley. Of course, he’s aware of the history. Suddenly, he began to wonder. The case of Gibson Praise landed on their lap and Diana Fowley was assigned to the case to help. It all happened right after he tried to set a meeting for Mulder and the Cigarette Smoking Man. Was it a coincidence? If he had not known any better, he’d say the case was all set up. Fowley was assigned for a reason and that is to drive a wedge between Mulder and Scully to distract him from coming after the Cigarette Smoking Man for what he did to Scully. It’s the perfect diversion. Fowley will keep Mulder occupied and he would forget to search for the truth of what happened to Scully during the trip.

The conversation was interrupted when the doctor came up to them.

“Are you both Agent Scully’s partner?” the doctor asked.

“He is. I am their boss. How is she?” Skinner answered then asked her back.

“Well, she took a hell of a beating. She got massive concussion from her head injury. She got three broken ribs. We gave her twenty-five stitches. Physically, we are able to patch her up. She will need a lot of support after this”, the doctor answered.

That was a lot of injuries for one person. Hearing all those listed down made them sick to their stomachs but they did not it show. Skinner turned to Mulder after the doctor left.

“Fix it, Agent Mulder. I need to get back to the office and deal with the police about what happened. She does not need to worry about that while she’s recovering”, he ordered and left.

Mulder went to her room and the moment he laid eyes on her, his heart shattered to thousand pieces. The doctor got everything right. She took a hell of a beating. Her skin is in different shades of purple and black. He couldn’t begin to imagine what she went through. He saw what Pfaster did to her the first time, what it cost her. He has no idea what this will do to her this time. It is the only case he can remember that bothers her the most. Pfaster did a number on her five years ago and he did it again.

When she opened her eyes, she found Mulder asleep on the chair beside her. His hair is disheveled, tie crooked, and she recognized that he’s still wearing the same clothes from the last time she saw him. How long was she out? She felt like she’s been hit by a bus, not like she has been hit by a bus before, but she is feeling the idea of it right now. Once she tried to sit, she felt a sharp pain from her torso that sent her gasping. It woke Mulder up.

“Whoa…easy. Don’t get up. You broke your ribs. Just lay down”, he said.

Her brain tells her to say something to him, lash out, hit his nerve, make him feel bad about what happened to her because god knows he deserved it but she is too numb to do so. She can’t even bring herself to tears. She did not protest when he helped her settled on the bed.

“How long have I been here?” she asked in a monotonous tone.

“A week. You’ve been in and out for the most of it. They gave you strong stuff for the pain. You got plate to help with your ribs so you’re mostly sedated to keep you still because you trash in your sleep. They wanted to put restraints on you but I objected. I told them that I would not leave your side to keep watch while you sleep”, he answered.

That would explain why he’s still wearing the same clothes for a week. Mulder is insomniac so catching him asleep on a chair means he’s been really exhausted.

“You don’t have to stay. Mom can take over. I can give her a call”, she offered.

Her tone is so business-like it sent shivers down Mulder’s spine. Skinner was right about Scully when he found her. It’s like she’s right in front of him but it feels like she’s not quite there.

“No. I want to be here. Listen, Scully. I am sorry for not being able to answer your calls. I offer no excuse because it was entirely my fault. You could have avoided what happened to you if I had been there. I’m sorry I had failed you”, he apologized.

Her face is almost blank. He cannot read her, not even her eyes. She used to show her emotions through her eyes but now all he can see is hollow. She had become an empty vessel.

“It’s not your fault, Mulder. You couldn’t have known Pfaster had escaped. I did not know either. He chose to break out of jail and to come in my apartment to attack me. It was not on you so there’s no need for apology”, she said.

“…but you called and I was not there to answer”, he reasoned.

“You are not bound to me, Mulder. You have your own life and I respect that. I got mine too. This is not your fault”, she insisted.

He should feel relieved that she’s not blaming her for what happened but something about her tone scares him more. He would rather have her screaming at him than what he’s seeing. She’s passive. She’s almost calm like nothing happened to her.

“I can take it, Scully. I deserved it. You don’t have to spare my feelings by hiding yours”, he muttered.

That earned him a glare from her.

“I am not sparing your feelings, Mulder. I just lost the energy to deal with things at the moment. If you want to bathe in guilt and to blame yourself, have at it. Leave me out of it”, she snapped.

When the doctor came to talk to her, she asked him to go out of the room. It’s odd since each time she’s hospitalized, she never asked him to leave when the doctor comes in. There is something she does not want him to know or hear. He could try and press the doctor about it but he knows he will get nothing because of the doctor and patient confidentiality. Scully recovered faster than expected. She let him drive her back to her cleaned up apartment. He was against the idea after what took place in there but Scully does not want to stay with her mother or at his apartment. She wants to go home so he let her.

Everything felt odd to her. It’s like she lost one of her senses and it impaired the rest. The place is familiar to her but the feeling is lost to her. She’s like swimming in the vast ocean with no particular destination or direction to go to. She’s going with the flow. Mulder volunteered to stay with her to which she declined. There’s no need for him to treat her like a baby. She’s not made of glass. She can handle herself. When he left, she went to the bathroom to clean herself but could not bring herself to use the bathtub so she showered instead. The next day, she had a guy removed the tub from her bathroom. She no longer needs it.

The morning after that, she returned to work. Skinner assured her that he took care of the statements for what happened in her apartment. She said her thanks and reassured him that she’s ready to get back to work. Mulder is cautious around her. It’s like he has the desire to spoon-fed everything to her. She hates the act though she appreciates the gesture. There is bitterness in her heart towards Mulder. A part of her wishes that he was able to answer her call, that he has been there to save her from Pfaster but she’s done with giving a fuck about other people. She’s done with pining after Mulder and the ground he walks on.

Diana Fowley is still in the picture but she cares less now. Everything is in the vicinity of professionalism for her. She’s there to keep Gibson Praise safe and that’s what she’s going to do. When it’s her turn to watch over the boy, something just snapped.

Scully looked at him and frowned. 

She nodded in response. How on earth she’s able to do just that? 

Scully looked outside the room and for a moment, she can hear other people talking though the building is secluded and it’s impossible to hear other people talking through the thick walls. She’s not actually hearing them. She’s picking up their thoughts, the same way Gibson can pick up hers.

She looked back at the boy.

The door opened and Diana and Mulder came in. Her time with Gibson is up.

“I can take over now, Agent Scully. You should rest”, she said.

<…no idea why she’s partnered up with Fox when she questions every single thing…do not deserve the X Files…do not deserve Fox…>

“Agent Scully”, Gibson’s voice snapped her out of Diana’s thoughts. “Don’t forget what I said”, he reminded.

She and the boy locked eyes for a minute, communicating in their own little world. He did not say much through his brain but she gets it. Gibson does not trust Diana Fowley. Scully felt the same way since the first time she met her and she knew it was not the jealousy for her history with Mulder. It goes deeper and she can sense that she’s right about that.

Gibson smiled and nodded.

“I’m sorry. Did we miss something?” Diana asked, confused about the awkward silence.

“Nothing. We talked about chocolate cake earlier and he’s asking for some tomorrow”, Scully lied.

Diana smiled a little though her thoughts screamed how much she wanted her to leave so she can be alone with Mulder.

“I should drive you back”, Mulder offered.

“There’s no need. I can drive myself home. Keep watch and keep Gibson safe. See you at the office”, Scully declined.

__

_She shut her eyes for a moment and stopped herself from listening any further in his thoughts and left the room._


	4. Dark Corner of Her Mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: for notions of depression, drug abuse, alcohol and cigarette abuse, possible suicide...
> 
> i think i went way too dark with this chapter and hard on Scully but the girl went through the depths of hell. I find it hard to believe that none of that seems to affect her mental health at all in the series. I get that she's strong and all but she has to have some mental scars or something. Well, in this story though she went through something terrible and i figured that this is how she dealt with it since she's not a showy type of person. Her protective wall backfired.

The newfound side effects of her junk DNA being activated baffled Scully for days. Gibson Praise has disappeared without a trace. She was told that the boy escaped. She tried to use her psychic ability to reach out to him, to find him but she cannot hear him which made her fear the worst. Perhaps, she had failed him. They got to him and he’s dead.

After that, she actively decided to avoid Mulder at all cost. She cannot control her mind reading skill and his thoughts kept intruding her brain. She stopped coming to restaurants and for the first time, coming to the office feels like a nightmare to her. She knows she has to hide that whatever the Cigarette Smoking Man did to her worked. She’s his lab rat and he has succeeded with his experiment. She became like Gibson Praise. She is the X File. She wondered how Mulder will feel about that. Will he be thrilled that she will be the link to all of his quests? Will he feel sorry for her or excited? She’s not sure which one is the worse. She does not want pity and at the same time, she does not want to feel like a special case or a for the lack of better term, a lab rat. She can now understand how Gibson felt with all the attention.

If she raised suspicion, ‘they’ will come for her and will start poking her in different places. She does not want to go through that again. She has been violated in every way and she will not let anyone do that to her again.

That morning, she has been called to Skinner’s office. At first, she thinks nothing of it but when she came in, she saw Mulder standing there, waiting for her. Great, she mused to herself. She immediately jumped into conclusion that Mulder might have done something that pissed their boss and she’s about to suffer the consequence along with him. She’s his partner. 

“Agent Scully, please close the door”, Skinner ordered and she obeyed.

She sat next to Mulder who she has not seen for days. She focused her brain to the voices outside the room just to keep herself from peeking to Mulder’s brain. It does not feel right for her. It feels like intrusion and she does not want to do that to other people. Skinner began laying out to them the rule book about evidence which sounds so vague. There must be a point in there somewhere. Inevitably, her attention drifted from the people outside and focused on Skinner. A frown started to appear on her face as she got inside his head. Her temper started rising and as best she tries to conceal it, her breathing heavily gives it away and Skinner is still narrating the rules.

“Scully, are you okay?” Mulder asked in concern.

She ignored him. All her attention is on Skinner who is now looking back at her. His head filled with questions on the sudden change of her temper. 

“You took a look at my medical file”, she said, not a question but a fact.

It is Skinner’s turn to frown. He’s not there yet. He’s trying to lay all the basis on why he did so it wouldn’t come off as violation of privacy but Scully was able to ‘guess’ it beforehand.

“Agent Scully, you of all people know the procedure when one request a particular test on a victim of an attack, it must be included in the submitted report”, he tried to put it mildly but she’s seething.

“That is confidential”, she muttered with all the restraint she can muster. 

“Just listen for a minute, Scully”, Mulder intervened.

It only dawned to her by then on why Mulder is there in the first place. Skinner had called him when he found out about the result of the rape kit test. He had been questioned if he had a hand in concealing that information from the report. Skinner suspected him to be the one responsible in tampering with evidence in her honor but he was wrong. It was her. It was her decision not to include it because she felt like there’s no need. She knows her doctor is bound by law to report the result of the test so she removed it from the report herself. The fact that Skinner was able to find it and divulge it to Mulder unintentionally by accusation just broke her meter. She’s passed it. Since it happened, her mind never drifted on that event in her life especially after she got rid of her bathtub. She’s doing well and now they’re bringing it up.

“What do you want me to hear, Mulder? That is personal. That is my medical file. I don’t care about the goddamn procedure. That information is not meant to get out. It is not for anyone to read. It is not meant to be put in the X File that anyone can just access anytime they feel like it”, she lashed out, tears forming in her eyes in rage.

Despite her overwhelming anger, her voice remained flat which frightens the men in the room. It is not normal. 

“We got protocols to follow, Agent Scully”, Skinner insisted.

In her head, she knows that. She had read the manual. She technically broke the law but that’s her file. She’s not going to let herself be violated more than she already has. She’s not going to let anyone walk in their office and open the Donnie Pfaster case to find the result of her rape kit test in there. She’s not going to expose herself that way to anyone, even Mulder. That information is private and for her alone. Not even her mother knows about it.

“Are you going to ask me for my badge and gun now, sir?” she asked.

Taken aback, Skinner remained quiet for a few seconds. He’s hoping to understand what happened. He would have helped her but he needs to know if the findings are authentic to begin with, worth breaking the rules for. He figured out that he mishandled things and it’s escalating pretty quickly. 

“Agent Scully, I want to understand what happened. I cannot protect you if you’re not going to talk to me or to your partner”, he said calmly.

She can see that what he’s saying is true. She can read his mind like a medical book but she’s too angry to pay attention.

“There’s no need to protect me, sir. I broke the rules just like what you said. You’re wondering if that result is authentic. The answer is yes. I requested it at the paramedic because I vaguely remembered it happened after I killed Pfaster. I had to make sure so I asked for the test. It was a personal request, not a suggestion by the doctor who signed the report. While we’re trying to dissect the events of that night, I might as well informed you that I shot Donnie Pfaster four times with my gun while he’s unarmed…”

“Scully…” Mulder tried to intervene but she did not let him. 

“I had my gun pointed on him and he’s unarmed. He’s at the distance and I had the opportunity to arrest him and bring him back to prison but I pulled the trigger four times until he dropped dead on my floor”, she added with confidence.

Stunned, none of them were able to make a response to that revelation. In all honesty, Mulder does not care about that. He would have done the same to Pfaster after everything that he did to Scully. If she had not killed him, he would have. To hear it coming from her without a strand of remorse and her voice laced with venomous rage, fear filled his heart. He had been scared to lose Scully that he now realized he’s not losing her physically. He’s losing her in other ways. She’s slipping away right under their noses.

“Agent Scully, he attacked you in your home. You had every right to defend yourself. We are not here to grill you. There has been a confusion in the report and I am trying to straighten it for your sake. I am trying to help you”, Skinner explained.

Scully stood up and turned in her badge and gun on his table. She does not need his protection, his pity, or his help. She’s done being treated like a victim or a liability. All she wants is to do her job without anyone looking at her differently. All she wants is to be respected and be left alone, for people to stop poking through her life or what’s left of it.

“I broke the rules. I deserved the punishment but if I find that result in the X File, I will burn the basement myself”, she threatened and left the room before anyone could have stopped her.

Both Skinner and Mulder got left behind in shock. That is not how Scully react to things. She’s rational. She listens first and tries her best to understand before she reacts. That is not her. The Scully they saw was pure of anger. She’s practically shaking in anger. She’s angry before Skinner was able to tell her about the medical file which put a frown in Mulder’s face. How did she guess that it’s about that? There is no hint yet in Skinner’s introduction about the report. He was just getting there when she guessed it. The past few days, Scully made tons of comments about how he should not trust Diana Fowley because she’s working with the Cigarette Smoking Man. He thought it’s ridiculous. He had known Diana for years. They started X Files together. She couldn’t have betrayed him like that and then Gibson went missing and along with him, Diana went AWOL. At first, he thought they abducted her too but when he visited her apartment, he found evidence that she’s double-crossing him and the FBI. She’s reporting to someone else. Scully has been right all along.

“That went straight to hell”, Skinner muttered.

“Gibson Praise’s test result showed that his junk DNA inside his brain is activated, right?” Mulder asked.

“As far as I can remember, yes”, he answered.

“When Scully had herself checked after the trip she had with Cigarette Man, the result was the same in her scans. Her junk DNA came out as activated as well in her brain”, Mulder pointed out.

The room is bug-free. Skinner is done with the intrusion of the Syndicate so he knows it’s safe to talk about it there.

“What are you trying to say, Agent Mulder?” he still asked but theories had been forming inside his brain. They locked eyes until they reached an agreement. “No”, he muttered once he realized how she was able to guess what he’s trying to tell her earlier, why she suddenly lashed out without him being able to tell her about what he found, without having been able to explain his intention. “It’s been months”, he added.

“Yes. I think she’s been hiding it. I think she knows about it for some time. Back when she’s watching Gibson, they used to look at each other for minutes. They had been abandoning physical speech and we did not even guess what they’re doing. Now, I get it. They had been communicating telepathically. She’s like Gibson. I think Gibson had warned her not to tell anyone so no one will come for her to experiment further on her. The last thing Gibson said to her was ‘Don’t forget what I said’. Scully made a fuss about chocolate but that was it. That would explain why she’s been isolating herself these past few days. She could barely stay with me in the office. She’s always putting earphones in her ears to shut the world out. That would explain why she knew what you’re going to say before you even said it”, Mulder pieced it all together like a puzzle.

Skinner’s head is hurting from all the information. A few hours ago, he found out one of his agents had been sexually assaulted during an attack in her own home. A few minutes ago, he discovered that it was her who tampered with the incident report and that she had murdered Pfaster in cold blood. Now, he was told that his agent developed a telepathic ability after she was experimented by Cigarette Smoking Man…again. Why can’t they be just any normal agents?

“Now, what do we do?” he asked.

That is the big question none of them know the answer yet.

Meanwhile, Scully packed in craze in her apartment. All she wants now is to run and hide. There is no one chasing her but she wants to run for the hills. She cannot stay in D.C. right now. The conversation in Skinner’s office dawned on her. She just threatened to burn the FBI’s basement right in her boss’ face. She lost control of herself and she lashed out at her superior. She knows Skinner is only trying to help her. He could have included the result in the X File without letting her know and reprimand her right away for tampering with it but he talked to her first. Mulder was not even supposed to know. Skinner just made a mistake of assuming it was him who did it. He was trying to protect her and she lost her temper. She acted irrationally, the opposite of herself.

“Fuck”, she spat when a migraine hit her.

Now is not the time. She’s packing and getting ready to leave as fast as she can. She cannot deal with the migraine. Despite the pain, she pushed through and continued getting ready. Blood started dropping on the floor, on the bed, on the couch. Her nose is bleeding and she kept ignoring it in order to finish with packing. Once she’s done, she realized her shirt is now covered with her own blood.

“Great”, she muttered and went to the bathroom to change. 

She cleaned up her nose and fixed herself in the mirror before going back to the living room to get her suitcase and left the apartment. She knows she cannot go to her mother’s house. Mulder will look there first after her apartment. She just needs to get as far as she can. Boise sounds good but she already done that. She drove and drove until her car ran out of gas and she got no other choice than to check in at the nearby motel. She paid in cash to avoid being traced. She checked in under a different name and the owner seemed to have been oblivious.

The motel room is small, ordinary, remote which is what exactly she needed at the moment. She needs time to think, to lay low, to gather herself. She is aware that she’s losing it. After Pfaster, she’s getting disconnected to pretty much everything. All the things that she used to enjoy before, she suddenly became uninterested. Her bathtub, going out to see her friends, hanging out with Mulder, the X Files, doing science…all of that she already lost interest at. She is slowly becoming purposeless. All her bad habits resurfaced in order to make her feel something other than anger. Smoking, drinking, men…she’s doing it all. She desperately wanted to connect again so one time, she went to visit a bar but she cannot go anywhere near a random guy without seeing Pfaster so she would drink herself to near oblivion before she interacts with them. It will always end up with her getting screwed to places she wouldn’t normally set foot in but once it all over, she’s back to being disconnected again and numb.

Scully crashed onto the bed and just stayed there. She’s not going out tonight. She’s not going to drink herself to oblivion to fuck a stranger. She’s just going to lay there and allow herself to disappear to another realm for a moment. It should be easier to fall asleep since there are no other people in the motel aside from the owner. There will be no voices intruding her brain tonight. She closed her eyes and let sleep claims her. In a few minutes, she’s in deep slumber.

Mulder, back in D.C., scoured the entire state for Scully. She’s not in her apartment which is the first place he looked. He was hoping he can talk to her. He wants to tell her that he knows about her new ability and that he’s willing to help her and protect her, that she does not need to isolate herself anymore and deal with this alone. His alarm bells went off upon seeing droplets of blood all over. When he found her discarded shirt in the bathroom that was bloody, he knew it’s her nose. He also noticed that her bathtub is no longer in the bathroom. He has been at her place so many times that he knows taking a bubble bath is one of her guilty pleasures. She loves it. Why would she had it removed? The answer came to him fast. Donnie Pfaster. That monster had destroyed the thing that made her happy in her mind. She could not use the tub anymore so she removed it.

He asked the Gunmen for help to trace her but she did not use her card for any transaction. His first conclusion would be that she’s been taken again but judging the way her bedroom looks, he assumed she packed in haze after talking with Skinner. Her suitcase was missing along with most of her clothes. Her toiletries are gone as well. It could have been orchestrated but how would they know which bottle of shampoo or perfume to take? He knows what Scully takes to her overnight bag when they got case to solve in another state. Those items were not present in her apartment right now which means she did take off on her own.

He called her mother and she’s not there either. Of course, she’s not there. She knows he will be looking for her and her mother’s house will be the first place he will come looking after her apartment. He could try some of her friends but knowing Scully, she wouldn’t want to be a bother to her friends. Skinner used his resources as well in order to track her but came up with nothing.

Three days later, they’re still looking. She left in an unstable state and anything can happen. Mulder saw her lost it in Boise and gained the knowledge that she has a side that’s self-destructive. What if she went back to that? He placed a call to her friend in Boise, Carly, but she has not received any call from Scully either. He checked with the airlines as well and Scully did not book any flights out of state. It means she took her car and drove. She could be anywhere under the sun and if she chose to not use her card, there will be no way to trace her. She is covering her tracks. She does not want to be found.

Back at the motel, Scully stayed committed with not leaving the room. She did not visit any bar and did not consume any alcohol to ease her nerves. Her peaceful retreat has been ruined by a few people checking in at the motel. Her brain has been flooded with their thoughts and it felt like she’s been listening to multiple radio stations all at once. Once again, she cannot find sleep. She does not want to get in her car to find some place else because she might consider dropping to some local bar and indulge her dark impulses. Besides, it would be hell to be in public place. She relished what was left of her cigarette until she ran out. 

The motel room she got has a bathtub in it. Without alcohol in her system plus the voices in her head, darkness enveloped her all over. She sat on the bathroom floor while staring at the bathtub as if it has done something bad to her. Of course, the tub is innocent. It’s not even the one Donnie Pfaster touched but it in her eyes, it’s just the same. She wanted to smash the tub into million pieces but she controlled herself. It belonged to the motel and she does not want to be ejected from her room. She does not have the energy to drive any further. She stayed on the floor for hours. Cry, she ordered herself. She wants to cry so she can let go of the heavy stone in her chest. She has not cried since she got out of the hospital. People who had been attacked and assaulted have their own ways of dealing with the trauma, with the aftermath. She got none because she felt none. It is normal to cry. She should cry and yet her body won’t allow her to. She’s just numb and when she feels something, some strand of emotion, it’s just rage and anger.

Tired of forcing herself to cry, she returned to her uncomfortable bed. The television won’t help in tuning out the voices in her head and it’s starting to give her migraine. She reached out for her bottle of aspirin on the nightstand and popped three and dry swallowed it. It dulled the voices a little but they’re still there so she popped some more and more and more until the bottle is empty. Scully let herself surrender at the mercy of the aspirin as it blocked all the voices from disturbing her. The migraine is gone. She’s finally free.


	5. Let Me Help You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is hope. There always is with Mulder and Scully. :-)

“Thank you”, Mulder hung up on the phone as Skinner drives to an address given by a concern citizen.

A tip came to their office of a woman who checked into a motel three days ago. The owner said that the woman paid in cash and she had not left her room ever since. She had not asked for a room service or food delivery. She just locked herself inside the room. The owner checked in on her daily to see if she’s alive and she always responded by saying ‘she’s fine’. Mulder instantly knew that it’s Scully. Of course, she used a different name checking in. She’s covering her tracks but he just happened to know her very well.

The motel is located in the middle of highway. Few people check in on the establishment so it is considerably remote, perfect for someone who is avoiding people.

“What did he say?” Skinner asked.

“The owner tried to knock on her door but she’s not answering. He said she might be asleep but Scully is a light sleeper. She would have woken up by his knocking”, he answered.

Skinner drove faster. He shouldn’t be involved in their personal lives but he has great affection for Mulder and Scully. He hates to admit the fact that he has been attached to them. He cares for them like they’re his own brother and sister. He knows he would take a bullet for either them in a heartbeat. 

When he parked at the motel, Mulder saw Scully’s car right away. She’s there. He almost jumped out of the car and went to the motel room where she’s supposed to be in.

“Scully! It’s me, open the door”, he called and knocked at the door but no one answered.

He does not want to wait for her to wake up. His guts are telling him something is wrong so he picked the lock and broke in. The room is dark. Not even the lampshade was on. He felt the wall for the switch and turned it on once he found it. His feet sprang to action before his brain was able to process it. Scully is lying on the bed. Her face is white as a paper. Her nose spewing blood down her cheek. She is still dressed in the same work clothes she wore during the last time he saw her. Her suitcase is tossed in the middle of the room and the entire space smells like smoke. The ashtray on the nightstand was filled with cigarette butts. He noticed another item on the nightstand, an empty bottle of aspirin.

“Shit”, he muttered.

Mulder picked up Scully without hesitation and brought her inside the bathroom. Skinner followed them once he got in the room. He is confused about what’s happening but did not dare stop Mulder from putting her in the bathtub. Mulder ran a cold water over her and tried to wake her up. Skinner figured out what he’s trying to do. The sight of the bottle on the nightstand confirmed his guess.

“I am calling an ambulance”, he decided.

Mulder desperately tried to get her to open her eyes. He is already freezing from the water but he does not mind. Scully is the priority. She needs to wake up or he will lose her forever.

“Scully, come on! Open your eyes”, he yelled almost pleading.

He is not a doctor but he has some ideas what to do in this kind of situation. He then put two fingers down her throat and forced her to throw up the pills she took into the tub. She gagged and puked and he encouraged her to keep doing it until she got it all out of her system. He’s not sure how many she took. The bottle was empty but he does not know how many the content was. She slightly opened her eyes but she’s still out of it.

“Keep your eyes open, Scully. Stay with me, okay? Just stay with me”, he repeated over and over again until the ambulance arrived.

At the hospital, the doctor has cleared her. Apparently, Mulder managed to get it all out of Scully’s body. The doctor said that if they had arrived a few minutes later, she would not make it. That fact bothered Mulder and Skinner so much. How come they had not seen it before? Of course, Scully is the strongest woman they know. She withstands so many storms. Seven years battling the darkness, how much a person can take before she breaks? Perhaps, the cracks had always been there but Mulder just failed to see it because he’s too wrapped up with his own quest in finding the truth. He took pride with his belief that what they’re chasing is more important than them. It’s bigger than them. He was so focused in the X File that he overlooked Scully’s welfare. 

He convinced himself before that he has been there for her. He saved her a lot of times. He had helped her. Now, he began to recall the past. Has he really helped her? When she was returned from her abduction, he tried to shield her from new cases but as soon as the interesting one landed on their lap, he let go of the worry and dragged her along with him. When her sister was gunned down in her apartment, he offered her his sympathy and tried to comfort her. She said she’s fine and he foolishly settled at that without bothering to dig deeper. He has a degree in psychology and he did not bother using it. The events of what happened during her abduction slowly unraveled on her and he’s on the chase for some other truth. He did not bother checking her on how she’s holding up. What the revelation of the other abductees makes her feel? Does it affect her? He did not ask. She spat scientific facts on him and he considered it as proof she’s fine. She got sick and he let her continue to do her job and he’s guilty of sometimes forgetting about her illness when they’re on the job. Of course, it’s what she wanted at the time but he just couldn’t let go of his quest to take time and be there for her, really be there.

After her encounter with the Cigarette Smoking Man, he shut her out instead of talking to her. It led her to concealing what was done to her by that monster and pushed her to go to Boise, Idaho to escape herself. He promised to make it up to her but the moment Diana Fowley showed up, he forgot about that promise. He sided with Diana instead of Scully and thought it’s all about work. He did not realize how that made her feel. Soon he found out Scully has been right about Diana and he felt more awful for not believing his partner when she has put her faith in him despite her love for science. She followed him everywhere no matter how ridiculous his theories sounded to her scientist’s ears and he failed to return the same faith to her when she was telling him to be careful about Diana Fowley. He chose Diana over her that night and Scully almost died. 

Yes, the cracks had been there for a long time and over the years, it grew and grew until it finally breaks. Scully reached her limits and she broke. Gibson was right. She has been hurting right in front of him and he failed to see it. He has been blind. ‘Everything is not about you, Mulder’. It’s what she used to say to him and at first, he thought it’s about a goddamn desk. He then moved to the conclusion that he may not have been giving her more roles in solving their cases. How stupid can he possibly get? How blind can he possibly be? She’s literally telling him to stop focusing on himself and start looking at her. He failed to even listen at the signs.

Inside her room, Skinner stayed next to her hospital bed. He cannot erase the image of Scully in the bathtub, soaked with cold water while Mulder was trying his best to wake her up. It is an image far from what’s engraved in his mind when it comes to Agent Dana Katherine Scully. The entire Hoover Building respects her intelligence, her strength, and ability as an agent. Despite being associated with the X Files and Mulder, she is a force to be reckoned with and everyone knows it. When he was assigned as Assistant Director and first met her, that power affected him in an instant. He knew she’s not someone to be messed around with. He gave her his respect in a flash.

“Sir?” her voice snapped him out of his thoughts.

She winced at the pain in her throat. Skinner took it as cue and grabbed the glass of water on the table and helped her clenched her thirst.

“Just take it easy, Agent Scully”, Skinner said.

“Where am I? What happened?” she asked, her voice is still hoarse.

“We’re in an hospital. It seems to be your favorite place, Agent. What is the last thing you remember?” Skinner answered then asked her back.

Mulder caught it in time to come in to hear her answer.

“I was in the motel room. I ran out of cigarette and I did not want to go out to buy some. The room…it has a bathtub so I could not…I can’t use it. Then, the voices…they kept coming in my head. They won’t shut up and it’s making my head hurts. I tried to sleep it off but everyone was talking at once so I took an aspirin to stop the headache. I don’t know what happened next after that”, she recalled.

Skinner sighed.

“Agent Scully, you took an entire bottle of aspirin. You overdosed. When Agent Mulder and I arrived at your motel room, you’re already out. Your partner carried you to the tub and forced you to throw up all the pills you took. The doctor said you’re lucky we got there on time”, he explained.

She blinked a few times. She cannot read his mind at the moment because of the medications given to her on the drip which is a good thing. Her brain is silent.

“I did not…” she wanted to deny taking an entire bottle of aspirin but she remembered popping pills more than once but it’s not like that. “…it was not working. I took three first and it was not working with the headache and the voices in my head so I took another. I kept taking one until it finally stopped. It’s the only way I can sleep. Sir, I did not do it on purpose”, she said.

Skinner nodded in agreement. He had always known her to be rational no matter the situation is. He is certain she’s not the type of person who just give up on life just like that. She fights. That’s what she does.

“I know. No need to worry. This will not appear on your records. I will take care of it”, he assured her before leaving so Mulder can have some privacy with her.

He took the spot Skinner vacated next to Scully. Her eyes are still glassy but she’s lucid now. She’s really awake. He had to keep telling himself that. 

“You scared me there, Scully. You really got me there”, he muttered referring to an inside joke they had for some time.

She smiled a little. It’s been quite a while since she has done that. She wanted to catch him off guard a lot of times and to really freak him out. 

“You have to believe me, Mulder. I did not try to kill myself. I admit the thought crossed my mind for some time but I never acted upon it. There had been too many lives lost. It would unfair and disrespectful to them if I just throw mine into the garbage”, she explained.

That eases his worry somehow. It’s the Scully he remembers, someone who fights. She is a fighter. He wishes he has the same strength she has. It will do him some good.

“I know that, Scully. Dying comfortably in a crappy motel room from a bottle of pills is definitely not your style”, he teased to lighten up the mood.

“Oh, really? What do you think is my style, Mulder?” she asked in playful manner.

“I’d say something heroic, like taking a bullet to save someone’s life…entirely selfless”, he answered.

Scully hummed, pondering at the thought. It is a nice way to die.

“That sounds okay, actually”, she muttered out loud.

Mulder went stiff. She just escaped death for nth time now and she’s pondering how she’s going to die. She seemed to have pick up his sudden tension and looked at him.

“How did you find me, Mulder?” she asked. All the jokes are gone from the room.

“The motel owner called the cops. He was worried about you. The Gunmen intercepted the call before it reached the station and we drove, Skinner and me”, he answered.

“I did not know where else to go. I couldn’t go to my mother or my friends. I just needed to leave”, she confessed.

“Why, Scully? Why do you need to run like that?” he asked.

“I can’t…I stopped feeling things, Mulder”, she said almost like a whisper. “…and when I do feel something, it’s always anger and I don’t like it. I hate being angry all the time and it’s tiring to be angry. I wanted to feel something again other than that so I go out and do things that are reckless, dangerous, stupid even just to trigger something in me but after all that, I returned to being empty again. Then there are the voices…I kept hearing them all the time so I had to down a few glasses of scotch before leaving my apartment just to shut them off for a while. I was trying to hold it together but then, Skinner and you found out about the result of the rape kit test and I just lost it. My work was all I got left of myself that remains intact and if that was tainted and ruined too by Pfaster, I don’t know how else to convince myself to get out of bed in the morning”, she answered in full honesty.

It is the first time they open up like this to each other in a while or at least on Scully’s part. She had closed herself from him and the world after Donnie Pfaster attacked her and she’s finally letting her guard down so he can see through her again. She has been afraid that the result of the assault on her will damage her work which gives her the reason to keep moving every day. When that last bit of motivation was threatened, the only thing left to do is to run. Mulder would want to argue that he’s still there for her. He can be her anchor to move forward, to get out of bed in the morning but he remembered how he had been preoccupied lately with Diana Fowley. Scully could not hold on to him before when she needed him the most because he’s focused on someone else. 

“We know about your new ability, Skinner and me. You became like Gibson Praise. You can read other people’s thoughts”, he revealed.

A wave of surprise and relief washed through her.

“How did you know?” she asked, worried that if he knows, the others are not far behind.

“We just figured it out. You guessed what Skinner was going to say before he even said it and then I remembered how you interacted with Gibson during your turn to watch on him. You two barely talk to each other but you seemed to have some sort of understanding. I pieced it all together with your findings about the junk DNA which you and Gibson both have”, he answered. He immediately saw the fear in her eyes, fear that they are now going to come after her. “No one knows other than me and Skinner about it. You hid it pretty well so I think you’re safe. I just want you to know that you don’t need to hide it from me anymore. Let me help you deal with the voices. I failed to be there for you a lot of times. Let me help this time, Scully”, he added.

She has no idea what he could have done to help her stop the constant noise inside her brain but she does not need to read his mind to know he’s sincere about his offer. She never felt the need to read his mind. That’s why she has been avoiding him because reading his mind felt incredibly wrong to her.

“Well, I am open to kind of suggestion how to stop this because once the medication wears off, my head will be bombarded again with other people’s problems”, she replied.

Mulder smiled. Like an addict, Scully has always been addicted to that smile. It has the effect of lightening up everything for her. She has not seen that smile in quite a while and she missed it very much. He could slap her with hurtful words but if he gives her that smile afterwards, she would still follow him to the end of the world. That is her problem, her weakness…Mulder.

“There won’t be any space left for them because my head alone is full of problems”, he teased and it made her chuckled.

“I bet”, she muttered.

Mulder has no idea how to help Scully deal with her telepathic abilities. Gibson deals with his by watching television but that does not seem to work on her. Her new ability drove her to downing a whole bottle of aspirin just to make it stop and he does not want that to happen again. He had the Gunmen reviewed the result of Scully’s scan over and over again to see if they can find something that will deactivate her junk DNA but their three friends failed to come up with a solution. As long as she is in the hospital with the drip, her sanity is safe but she cannot stay there for long and she cannot be under medication forever. She will be out one day and when that happens, she will be ambushed by various thoughts from strangers.

Skinner informed him that the Cigarette Smoking Man had talked to him. The old guy came to his office and told him that he knows about Scully’s problems. Apparently, he had someone spying on her ever since their trip together. He admitted to have done something to her but claimed that it’s a gift. He said she’s the perfect candidate for the test since she already has the gene. Skinner does not know what kind of gene but Mulder does. The alien gene. After her abduction, she got that gene in her system and it stayed with her, dormant, waiting to be awakened. When Skinner asked him what he wants with Scully, he said that she would play a very important role in the future. He advised them to not fight her new ability but rather embrace it.

Mulder knew having that kind of power is an advantage in their field. She can solve a lot of cases using her power but he will not trade her peace of mind for their job. It’s true that she can help a lot of people but it will cost her too much and she may never come back from it.

“Mulder”, he answered when his phone rings.

He just got Scully to her apartment after she’s been discharged at the hospital. She’s starting to have headaches when she set foot to her place. He had helped by making her comfortable and as much as he wants to give her more aspirin, repeating history is not something he would like to do at the moment.

“Hey, we found a way to like dull the voices in her head”, Langly said.

“How?” Mulder asked with renewed enthusiasm.

“Riboflavin”, Byers answered.

He is not good with science but he had heard that before.

“Vitamin B2?” he asked and he heard synchronized humming on the other end of the line. “How does that work?” he asked again.

“We’re not sure either but we tried to do like a simulated trial with the patterns in Scully’s scans with various drugs, chemicals, to see if we can find a reaction. You said that Scully mentioned when she took tons of aspirin, it stopped the voices from coming so we thought why not try medications. Heavy medications seemed to have the same effect as a whole bottle of aspirin but that would turn her into a junkie so we tried to move to healthier medications which are the vitamins and the only vitamin that got the same effect is riboflavin. It’s amazing”, Frohike explained.

“We don’t know how long it’s going to last but it should help her with keeping the voices at bay without making her an addict”, Langly added.

Full of hope, Mulder thanked the Gunmen and ran to Scully’s bedroom.

“Scully, it’s time to take your vitamins”, he announced.


	6. Special

Scully pondered upon the new discovery. Her vitamins is the key to stop her suffering and she had only known that now. Mulder sat next to her on her bed. She had already taken one and it took five minutes for it to take effect on her. She can still feel the voices but it’s like watching a movie on mute. She knows it’s there but she can’t just hear them, like someone has turned down the volume. It stopped the pain and she can function once again without worrying intruding someone else’s mind.

“When was the last time you take your vitamins?” Mulder asked as he observed Scully staring at the bottle of multivitamins.

“I honestly cannot remember, Mulder”, she sighed deeply. “I cannot remember doing much the past few weeks really. I don’t know what happened. It’s like I suddenly lost myself somewhere and I am just starting to regain me”, she added.

He knows she had forgotten to take care of herself. She can put together a façade for everyone to see and no one would dare to look deeper. Scully is someone who can hide very well. When her father died, she came to work the day of his funeral. She always needed to work. She needed something else to do than to face her dilemma. That’s what she has done the last couple of weeks. She turned her back to her problem and occupied herself with work. When she’s not working, she found other ways to keep herself busy. She went out every night, drink, smoke, hook up with someone. She did everything other than finding a way to deal with her telepathic ability, to find a solution. She settled to a quick fix, the same way she settled to the quick fix of work back then rather than grieve her father the normal way. It took her the entire case to be solved before she was able to accept the fact that her father was proud of her.

“You cannot stop taking care of yourself, Scully, you just can’t. I know this is odd to hear from me and you should be the one telling me this but you need to take better care of yourself. Go back to eating yogurt and bee pollen stuff or that healthy ice cream that taste nothing. Be the doctor who always encourages me to eat more veggies and fruits than my sunflower seeds. If you want, I can string along with your healthy diet. I will eat my greens and fruits as long as you get back to taking care of yourself”, he proposed.

Mulder offering to eat healthy is a cause for alarm for Scully. She has been swaying him towards that direction for years and she has never been successful other than a few occasions wherein Mulder had no choice than to settle to a nice bowl of salad. Him promising to give up his junk foods means she really did awful in the last few weeks. She learned from Skinner that the motel owner grew concern about her because he never saw her order for food once while she was staying there. She never went out of the room and never called for pizza. The motel owner thought she died or something. That’s why he had been knocking on her door every night to ask her if she’s alright. She paid no attention to it back then. She was drowning with voices and headaches. Only if she had not surrendered to despair and keep on living her life, she would have discovered the vitamins sooner and she would not make a spectacle of herself overdosing in a crappy motel room.

Since Boise, she suddenly stopped giving a damn about her own health. Her main goal was just to make the voices stop and force herself to feel something. She dove headfirst to self-destruction without hesitation. That’s how desperate she was. It was only now she realized how much weight she lost and it was not intentional. Her own clothes look baggy on her. Little movements exhaust her when back then it would take her running a marathon to wear her out. She cannot remember the last time she ate properly. She had lived with coffee, wine, scotch, cigarettes, and occasional finger foods for the last few weeks. She stopped eating when she checked herself at the motel. With a deep sigh, she pondered how far drifted down when the solution to her problem is just sitting inside her medicine cabinet.

“Would you really eat healthy, Mulder?” she asked with an arched eyebrow.

“I can be up to the challenge. You know I have self-control, Agent Scully”, he answered with hurt tone.

Scully chuckled. It would be hell for him and she has no heart to let him suffer because of her. 

“It’s alright, Mulder. You can stick with your burgers and fries and I will settle on my salad and yogurts”, she said.

Silently relieved, Mulder smiled at her. She looked so tiny next to him and he knows that it would not be that way forever. His Scully is coming back little by little. Baby steps, he mused. She will get back to the way she was in time. She just needs time and him by her side.

Mulder stayed with her in her apartment for a week to make sure she’s settling back easily. He watched her take her multivitamins every morning. Surprisingly, riboflavin lasts the entire day which is a big help for her. Scully resumed eating healthier again. He already talked to Skinner that it’s alright to let Scully back to work. She’s finally doing fine, no more headaches. He did not mention her nightmares at night because it’s something that’s not meant to go out of her bedroom. She’s dealing with the nightmares he has no idea was happening every single night ever since Donnie Pfaster tried to kill her for the second time. What that monster did to her is burnt deep in his brain and it scarred Scully worse than anything else that has happened to her. He had suggested she see someone she can talk to about it, someone professional and she assured him that she will think about it. All he can offer her is himself to comfort her during the lows. He wrapped her in his arms when the nightmares became violent. He held her tight to keep herself from trashing on the bed and screaming. She has no clue how much that hurts him, to see her like that, to see her still enduring the result of that night. It’s like being tortured every single night but perhaps, it is his punishment for being blind. Yes. It is his punishment and he take full responsibility.

Finally, Scully was able to return to work and she’s very grateful. She’s been itching to keep herself busy other than watching old movies with Mulder, not that she does not like that. It’s just that she’s yearning to make her brain work again, solve cases. Their first case was light but it’s a good one to start her return. She has been a bit rusty but she immediately find her footing and then it’s like she has never left. They finished three cases after that. If no one knew better, no one would have ever guessed what happened last couple of months with the X Files agents. They’re back to normal as what Skinner said who has been very happy at the turns of events.

“Come on, Mulder. You must have sense that he’s just faking it. There’s just too much tears on the man. I’ll admit, he was good but not a word that came out of his mouth was true”, she said as she walked around their office holding a file.

“Scully, he knew all the signs of an abductee. He knew about the implants, the white room, the tests. Why is this so hard for you to believe?” he asked.

“…because, Mulder, it is impossible to believe him. Perhaps, it is a question how come he knew all that but that does not make him an abductee. I cannot explain it, Mulder. I just don’t believe him. It is as clear as day to me that he’s lying and I don’t know why when he’s spewing basic criteria to our faces”, she answered.

Mulder frowned. It is unlikely for Scully to form a conclusion without backing it up with scientific explanation. Even when she’s just being a skeptic, she always has a scientific data to support her skepticism.

“Have you tried being open about his story, Scully?” he asked again more careful this time so he can observe her.

She closed the file she’s reading and slightly ran her right hand on her temple before nodding.

“Yeah, I did try but I could not bring myself to believe him”, she answered and then winced before turning her back to Mulder.

“Are you alright, Scully?” he asked now in concern.

She went through her bag to search for her bottle.

“Yes, I’m fine”, she answered and then popped one pill and dry swallow it.

Mulder is behind her in an instant. He glanced quickly at the bottle just to confirm it’s the multivitamins and not something else.

“It’s not working like it used to”, he guessed.

She turned around to face him after she returned the bottle back in her bag.

“No. It still does what it supposed to but just did not last as long as before. For some reason, I am resisting to it like I’m being immune to its effects”, she clarified.

“How long has it been happening?” he asked.

It could not be just recently. She seemed relaxed about it and aware. She even brought the bottle with her to work when she used to just leave it in her medicine cabinet.

“After that last case in San Diego, I got a headache before we landed to the airport. I thought it was nothing, just the stress of the case but it happened again for days after that. I started taking two a day. Then, now I am taking six because it keeps on wearing off”, she answered.

She’s right. Her body is resisting the riboflavin. At the rate she’s going, in a few days that vitamin won’t have any effect on her at all. She will get constant migraines again and the voices will resume invading her mind. Mulder is greatly worried. He does not want her to go down that road again. Cigarette Smoking Man may think that it’s a gift but it’s not to Scully. It is making her suffer, puts her in pain.

“I’ll talk to the boys, see if they can find another substitute for the vitamins. Don’t worry, we’ll get you another vitamin to take”, he said.

She smiled at him but it was brief. In her mind, she knew that if ever they found something else, the process will only repeat. They’re just delaying the inevitable, prolonging the agony. One way or another, she’s going to have to face her telepathic ability.

“Thanks, Mulder”, was all she said.

Their current case, Martin Hills, a man who claimed to be abducted by aliens, had allegedly murdered his own wife. He said in his defense that aliens took his wife in exchange for his freedom. All evidence points to him. There was blood samples recovered at their backyard but Martin explained that it was due to the struggle of him trying not to let go of his wife as they took her. Of course, the police did not believe a word he said. Who would? When Mulder and Scully interviewed him, he narrated his abduction from beginning to end. It is a wonder why he remembered everything that has happened to him and Scully could not remember a thing about her abduction. Everything he said was on point. 

Skinner had directed them to prove whether the man was lying or there’s more to his story and if it’s the latter, perhaps, they might be able to find his wife to prove the man’s innocence.

Mulder and Scully resumed their work on the case while the Gunmen works on new safe approach to control Scully’s telepathic ability. In the meantime, she sticks with the multivitamin she got despite its declining effect. She tries to think less, not exhaust herself in order to prolong the effectivity of riboflavin but it barely works. Mulder is wary of her condition and he’s been keeping a close eye on her just in case something went wrong. 

They just wrapped up the third round of questions on Martin and Mulder stepped outside to schedule another one for tomorrow. Scully got left behind with Martin as she gathered their things. 

“You don’t believe me”, he muttered.

She quickly glanced at him before turning back to her suitcase.

“We’re here to uncover the truth, Mr. Hills”, she said.

Her head is throbbing and she’s quickening her movements to get to their car where her bottle of vitamins is.

“You knew what I went through, Agent Scully, because you’ve been there yourself”, she stopped moving. They had not mention that to Martin nor to anyone at the precinct. “You’re one of us, more special than us to be exact”, he added.

“What do you mean by that?” she asked, her full attention is now on him.

“Have you ever wondered why you don’t remember a thing during your abduction while we do?” he asked her back. She did not answer. “You’ve been gone the longest because you’re special. You were brought to a different laboratory for a different test. They allowed others to sit next to you to give you comfort while they sliced and poked through you”, she flinched at the harshness of his words. “Harvesting ova was not the only thing they did to you, Agent Scully. No one comes out alive from that room but you did. Too bad you can’t remember what they did to you”, he added.

She can feel the riboflavin is wearing off and Martin’s thoughts are knocking at the door of her brain.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about”, she denied.

“I think you do, Agent Scully. You just don’t want to face it. I think you also believe me and you know I am telling the truth but you’re scared of what I know so you want to run out of this room right now before you get a peek inside my brain”, he argued.

That strikes her. He knows, she thought. He knows that she can read other people’s minds. He knows she’s currently struggling to avoid taking a glimpse into his.

“How much do you know about me, Mr. Hills?” she asked.

“I was there when you were brought in. You’re wearing a beige trench coat. Your hair was a bit longer than what it is now. You got wound on your face. Your hands were bound and there was gag on your mouth. You were abducted before you were even abducted. We waited for you to wake up so we can explain to you what’s going to happen when they took you away. They had separated you from the rest of us. Some were allowed to see you, Penny Northern for instance. No one had seen you for days and after that, you were released…alive”, he answered.

The door of her brain is opening up without her consent and she winced when the migraine hit her.

“You still don’t want to believe me. Why don’t you take a look inside my head, Agent Scully?” Martin asked as he got up and focused on her.

Scully backed up and hit the wall while trying to get away from him. Though physically he’s not close, his thoughts are invading her personal space. His pushing them inside her brain and she cannot hold the fort. 

“Stop! Stop!” she yelled but he did not stop.

Images flashed in her head. She saw herself from six years ago on another pair of eyes. She saw herself being taken by blurred figures. She saw them opening her up, sewing her, injecting her with different liquids. She’s being experimented on and she’s as helpless as she can be. Penny Northern sat next to her and she looked so alive. Last time she saw her, she was dying of cancer, the same one that almost killed her. Her eyes were filled with worry.

“She’s not going to make it”, a man’s voice said which he recognized as Martin’s.

“No. She will make it. She’s a fighter. Why else would they bother having us here to comfort her? She’s special, Martin”, Penny said.

“It’s not a blessing to be special. If whatever they did to her works, they will come back for her to harvest what they had invested. It will be a mercy if she ends up like the others”, Martin replied.

Everything was cut off and the next thing she saw is Mulder pushing Martin away from her. His voice filling up the room.

“What have you done with her?! What did you do?!” Mulder yelled.

It is impossible for Scully to concentrate now. Her head feels like splitting in half and she can hear everyone’s thoughts in her head.

“Mulder”, she called but she’s not sure if he heard him because he’s still harassing Martin. “Mulder”, she repeated.

More officers came in the room and it became worse for her. There’s too much voices. Everyone is talking all at once.

“Mulder!” she yelled and that got his attention.

Mulder went to her in a flash. She’s on the floor, curled up against the wall. Her nose is bleeding and she cannot even open her eyes from the pain. He knows that the vitamin had wore off. He noticed that the room is being filled with police officers and it’s not good for Scully to be around many people when she’s off riboflavin so he picked her up and took her out of the precinct. She groaned when they reached the parking lot. 

“Just a little more steps, Scully. Hang on”, he whispered.

As soon as they got back to their car, he popped the bottle of vitamins open and had her take one to her mouth. She did not even bother to chase it down with water. She swallowed it dry. She leaned back with her eyes closed, waiting in agony for it to take effect. Once it did, she was able to open her eyes again when the voices subsided from her head. Mulder handed her some tissue for her nose.

“How are you feeling?” Mulder asked.

“Weak…like I’ve fallen from the top of a high-rise building”, she answered as she wipes her nose clean.

“You took one an hour ago”, he commented.

She nodded in understanding. The vitamin is barely working.

“I feel like crashing. Can we go back to the motel, Mulder?” she asked and he obliged.

Scully crashed on her bed as soon as they entered her motel room. Mulder voluntarily removed her shoes for her to make her comfortable. He then moved to remove her coat and watch. She’s conscious but she’s too tired to move a limb so she lets him take care of her. She watched him with keen eyes as he put her things carefully onto the table. He smoothens her coat before putting it down at the couch. He knows how much she hates wrinkles on her clothes.

“Mulder”, she called and he gave her his full attention. “He knows about my abduction. He knows about my telepathic ability and he knows what happened during my abduction”, she said.

“Are you sure?” he asked.

“I saw it in his head or rather he showed me”, Mulder remembered the way he saw them in the room. Martin is standing few feet away from her, eyes bore onto her, while Scully is flat against the wall with her eyes wide open, gazing into another time. “I don’t know how it happened but I saw myself in that white place with Penny Northern. I saw what they did to me, how they experimented on me. Then, Martin said something to Penny that I could not get out of my head”, she answered.

“What’s that?” he asked again.

“…that I am special and it’s not a blessing because if whatever they did to me worked, they will come back for me to harvest their investment”, she answered.


	7. I Promise

Harvest their investment…those words replayed in his brain over and over again. Is that a warning? Is that a fact? Was that meant to scare Scully? Was that meant to throw them off? He had believed Martin Hills and Scully did not, or at least it’s what she told him. She said she saw things in his head. She saw herself during her abduction and it’s not something she can still deny. Her telepathic ability confirmed everything Martin was telling about the abduction, his abduction, and his wife’s possible abduction. Among all the abductees, Scully is the one who got no memory at all of what happened to her during those times she’s ‘out there’. The others, if not can remember fully, got at least few in their brain of what happened to them or what it felt like. Scully has none.

Skinner has been against at the notion of using Scully’s ability to prove Martin’s innocence so when Mulder mentioned about what happened, he became the receiving end of Skinner’s wrath. 

“I did not suggest for that to happen. The medication is not working like it used to. In fact, it barely works at all anymore. She’s been popping it every hour now. What happened in that interrogation room was unexpected, sir. We were leaving and Martin Hills talked to her just as the medication was wearing off. According to Scully, it felt like he showed her things. He knew about her telepathy and he somehow forced his thoughts to her head so she would believe him”, Mulder explained to a very angry Skinner.

“How could he possibly have known about Agent Scully’s ability? Did you tell him?” he asked.

“What? Of course not, sir. I would never do that to Scully. Look, Martin knew a hell lot about Scully because he was there when she was abducted. Even Scully said that she saw herself in his brain during her abduction which she cannot remember at all. She saw Penny Northern in his brain. Martin knew that whoever took Scully robbed her of all her ova and that they experimented on her. No one told him those things, sir. He knew by personal knowledge”, Mulder answered.

Skinner sighed and took a seat. Everything is escalating. He had to pull a lot of strings in order to get a hold of the CCTV footage of that interrogation room to protect Scully and her ability from leaking to the wrong people. If her medication will stop working, she will start drawing attention to herself again and the Syndicate might come after her next like what they did to Gibson Praise. On top of that, they got a most likely innocent man in prison being accused of murdering his wife when there is a giant possibility that he did not commit that crime and his wife has been abducted.

“What about the Gunmen? Have they found something new to help Agent Scully?” he asked.

“Nothing yet. They suggested stronger drugs but I will not subject Scully to that. I won’t make an addict out of her”, Mulder answered.

That’s the last resort and he wants to avoid that choice as much as possible. It will only turn Scully into someone she’s not. It will not be fair and it’s like destroying her life voluntarily.

“So, what is the plan, Agent Mulder? Her life will be in danger if ‘they’ find out what she’s capable of”, Skinner asked again.

They both know that. They’ve been lucky enough to last this long without the Syndicate trying to kidnap her again despite the fact that the Cigarette Smoking Man knows about her telepathic ability.

“Well, I’ve been looking for something less medical and it’s a long shot to be completely honest. I am not even sure if it’s going to work but I know a doctor who practices hypnosis for pain relief. The idea is to enhance the concentration, minimize distraction, and heighten responsiveness to suggestion in order to alter thoughts, feelings, behavior and even physiological state. I was hoping that if her migraines can be treated with hypnosis, perhaps we can alter the psychological components of the experience pain and the associated side effects of it which is her being open to other people’s thoughts. So, instead of focusing on the voices in her head, it will be like a distant sound that she cannot reach”, Mulder answered.

“Sounds more like repression”, Skinner commented.

“Something like that but I will have to talk to Scully first about that”, Mulder confirmed.

“If it’s going to work and it’s going to help her, you have my permission. Take as much time as you need, just don’t take too long. The absence of the both of you will draw unwanted attention”, Skinner said.

“Thank you, sir”, Mulder replied and then left.

Mulder explained everything to Scully and why he thinks it will be a good idea to try hypnosis to help her block her telepathic ability. The thought did come to her mind to try and embrace it instead of fighting it. It will do them good in their job if she has the advantage to tell whether someone is lying or not but the problem is the pain. She cannot handle it. It literally impairs her from doing anything else when the migraine starts. If only her telepathic skill does not come with a head-splitting migraine, she would not pop her multivitamins like a candy.

She is not a fan of hypnosis considering her last attempt to regain her lost memories of what happened at the bridge that night with Cassandra Spender but she is out of options. Riboflavin is not working anymore and she cannot afford to go to stronger drugs. She cannot not take anything and just let the migraine rules her head. She will go nuts with it and going back to alcohol is not a good idea considering her behavior the last time she turned to it for help. Mulder’s suggestion might be a long shot but it’s worth a try.

He accompanied her to Dr. Farrow. He had met him during his Oxford days and luckily, he’s in the country on a vacation with his family. He managed to convince Dr. Farrow to do it as a favor.

“Scully, this is Dr. James Farrow. Jimmy, this is Agent Dana Scully”, Mulder introduced them to each other.

Dr. Farrow is a lot older than Mulder but the two seems to be good friends. It is undeniable that he is also good-looking. Mulder did not fail to notice Scully eyeing his friend a bit. He sometimes forgot that Scully has a type or at least she used to since she stopped dating anyone for a long time now.

“You must be the woman who finally managed to keep Fox in line”, Dr. Farrow greeted with his thick British accent.

“That would be me. Thank you for agreeing to this”, she shook his hand and gave a short smile. “I must admit that I am not a believer of this practice but Agent Mulder thinks highly of you and he’s optimistic that you will be able to help me”, she added.

Dr. Farrow made a face and turned to Mulder. 

“Smart, blunt, and confident…well, Fox, you finally met your match”, he exclaimed which made Scully blushed a little. “Follow me”, he said.

His living room looked like a regular setting for therapy. The couches looked comfy Mulder can fall asleep on them in an instant. Scully sat comfortably on one couch while Mulder took the other one. Dr. Farrow sat across from them with his pen.

“Fox said that you’re experiencing heavy migraines and it’s becoming a problem with your job. You’re having a hard time concentrating on anything else”, Dr. Farrow started.

Scully turned to Mulder to know if that’s all he told him. Mulder nodded at her confirming her thoughts as if he can read hers which is a little bit ironic.

“Pretty much, yes. I have it every day and medications help but I cannot be under those all the time or I won’t be allowed to keep working in the bureau”, she said.

“Most people respond positively to hypnosis in treating chronic pains but it is not guarantee that everyone will react to it that way. There are some who seemed to be resistant to the treatment so let me start this with a fair warning that it may not be the treatment for you but I will certainly try my best”, Dr. Farrow said.

Scully nodded, appreciating his honesty about his treatment. Her hope is not that high but she is hoping that it will work on her somehow. She followed his instructions as she relaxed and closed her eyes. It is more like a repression treatment than altering her thoughts. The goal is to give her full control of her brain so she can rise up against the migraine. Mulder hoped that by doing so, her telepathic ability will be repressed and suppressed in far corners of her brain so she can function once again with no problem. It is like burying a dark secret deep underground. Dr. Farrow was a bit hesitant at first at what Mulder wants to do but he trusts his judgment so he agreed with the procedure. 

After two hours of hypnosis, Scully opened her eyes with surprisingly peaceful mind. The riboflavin should have worn off an hour ago but there she is on the couch with no migraine, no voices in her head. She tried to focus on Mulder to see if she can still read his thoughts and there’s nothing. She cannot use her telepathy.

“Well? How are you feeling?” he asked.

“It’s gone, Mulder. I can’t feel it anymore”, she answered.

Mulder’s smile is contagious. Scully smiled as wide as his and thanked Dr. Farrow for his help. He and Mulder talked for a few minutes before the two agents said their goodbyes and left.

“I can’t believe it actually worked. It’s like meditation. It felt like meditation and then there’s nothing. I don’t hear any voices. I don’t feel any headaches. This is amazing. I have not felt like this in like forever”, she started rambling.

He smiled as he continues to drive. He is happy to know she’s feeling great after months of pain and suffering.

“Jimmy is really good in what he does. Plus, he cares. I knew it’s going to work though I did not keep my hopes up because I don’t want to be disappointed just in case it did not but it did”, he said.

“Well, thank you for coming up with this solution, Mulder. I don’t know what I will do once the riboflavin completely stopped working. I can’t deal with that migraine again”, she said.

“After everything that has happened, it’s the least I can do. You got to admit that I contributed most of what you just went through these past few months. This is my way of making up to you”, he explained.

She wanted to debate that it’s not his fault but she knows Mulder will keep on arguing about how it’s his fault and he will start enumerating the things he did wrong so she let it slide. A good thing happened. They should be celebrating.

“Fine. Whatever, Mulder. You’re forgiven and you already made it up to me”, she agreed.

He is glad to hear that from her even though he knows for her there’s nothing to forgive. She’s too kind and generous for him. He is just happy that he was able to help her get back to herself.

“I know I haven’t been the best partner these past few months, Scully. I’ve been a pain in the ass literally and I left you hanging multiple times but I promised you that I will not make those same mistakes again. I will not take you for granted ever again and I will always be here for you no matter what happens”, he vowed.

He meant every word of it and it made her smile. 

“…and I will always be here for you no matter what happens”, she replied.

~~FIN~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been fun and i appreciate all the kudos and feedbacks. Thank you so much for reading.


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